Archive | January 2014

Secondary Musical Performance Evaluation.

Did the performer respect your personal space?

YES ___ NO ___

Did the performer ask for water?

YES___ NO ___

Did the performer’s schizophrenia adversely affect their performance?

YES ___ NO ___

Would you lend this performer money?

YES ___ NO ___   (If “Yes,” how much?  ___)

Would you characterize the performer’s voice as:

Undulating ___

On a scale of 1 (Poor) to 5 (Great), please compare this show with prior efforts by the performer:

The performer demonstrated increased poise and confidence  ___

The performer strode with purpose ___

The performer wore quality footwear ___

The performer maintained a 45% hematocrit ___

On a scale of 1 (Not at all) to 5 (Extremely), how similar is the performer to any/all of the following:

James Taylor ___  John Denver ___  Lydia Brown-Fusco ___  Migraine ___ Other ___

*For qualitative purposes, please answer the following demographic questions:

Oxygen therapy shows remarkable promise for:

Burn patients ___   Sleep disorders ___  President Obama ___  All of the above ___

Name three singers you consider to be the equal of Aretha Franklin, Otis Redding, and Justin Bieber?

__________________     _________________________     ___________________________

When listening to the music of Lionel Richie, one most often:

Smiles ___  Purrs ___ Enjoys greater erythrocyte function ___  Slips into a beta state ___

Were you aware that in 1983, Michael Bolton purchased a full-length mirror?   YES___ NO ___

Musical Performance Evaluation, Questionnaire 1.

Did the performer establish a clear set of goals before his/her performance?
YES ___ NO ___

Did the performer demonstrate a command of the subject matter?
YES___ NO ___

Did the performer gyrate?
YES ___ NO ___

Did the performer promote his/her Facebook, Twitter, website, CDs, gigs, and crowd-funding campaign?
YES ___ NO ___

Did the performer bring shame on the House of Connolly?
YES ___ NO ___

*For demographic purposes, please feel free to answer the following questions (with all answers kept strictly confidential):

SEX:  Male ___ Female ___                    AGE:  ___

FAVORITE GENRE(S) OF MUSIC (check all that apply):

Rock___ Folk ___ Hep-Hap ___ Twist ___ Metal ___ Harris ___ Other ___

What 5 celebrities would you most like to see permanently sealed in a hyperbaric chamber?

Would you like to manage a Starbucks?
YES ___ NO ___

Can you operate a cross-bow?
YES ___ NO ___  (If “No,” would you like to learn: Yes ___ NO ___)

Would you be willing to relocate to any of the following (check all that apply)?
Detroit ___ Thailand ___ Barbara ___ Other ___

Do you have operational knowledge of the plan?
YES ___ NO ___

The VP and Me.


I was in Washington, DC for a few days of work on ‘Caddyshack 3’ when I got the chance to meet Vice President Al Gore.  He wasn’t one of my Facebook friends, but I decided to say hello at a book signing he was holding in the Mayflower Hotel.  I thought it might be good to catch the former VP before he started his next film project.  I wanted to see if I could get in on the ground floor, maybe get a speaking role.

It was a hot, humid summer day in DC.  As I walked down Connecticut Avenue to the Mayflower, sweat started dripping down my back.

By the time I made it to the hotel, my dress shirt had become soaked with sweat.  But the giant air conditioning in the lobby quickly started to cool me off.

A line of people stood waiting to enter the ballroom where the Vice President was signing copies of his latest book, ‘The Future.’  I stepped through a metal detector and then followed a line of people waiting to buy a book.  The line moved slowly around the room toward a table where the Vice President was sitting.

I waited in line to buy a book as the room’s air conditioning slowly dried me off.  I turned to a woman standing next to me.  Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail.  I smiled at her.  “Thank goodness for air conditioning, huh?”

She glanced at me.  “What’s that?”

I wiped my forehead and gestured to the air conditioning.  “Wouldn’t it be great if we could just air-condition the whole planet?”

She looked at me vaguely and shifted her purse.  I nodded.  “I mean, it’s so scary how the earth is getting so hot.  Every summer, it feels like we’re gonna burn up.”

She nodded quickly.  “I know what you mean.  But we’re finally doing something about it.”  She pointed to all the people in the room.  “We’re making a difference.”

She was blonde, pretty, wearing a skirt.  I glanced down to check her ankles, then nodded.  “Yeah.  I mean, if every single person bought this book, just think how much better off the earth would be.”


She turned back to the line.  I looked at her legs again.  We moved slowly toward the VP’s table.

After a few more minutes, we stepped up to the book sales table.  A woman said, “Hi, would you like to buy a copy of ‘The Future?’”

I smiled.  “Yes, please.”

“It’s $16.98.  We’re charging exactly what Amazon is charging.”

I handed her a credit card.  “That’s great.”

She swiped my card, then handed me a book.  “When you reach the Vice President, make sure to have your book open to the front so he can sign it.”

“Okay, thanks.”

I took the book and started to follow the line again.  The woman in front of me was holding her book and talking on a cell phone.  I could hear her say, “I’m so excited…”

After a few more minutes, we reached the head of the line.  The blonde woman finished her call and turned to me.  “This is so exciting.”

“I know.”

A Secret Service man said to her.  “Please open your book.  You’ll hand the book to the Vice President and he’ll sign it.  Please keep the line moving.”

The blonde woman nodded.  She waited for her turn, then walked up to the Vice President.  He reached up and took her book.  “Hi.  Thanks so much for being here today.”

“Thank you, Mr. Vice President.  I’m really grateful for all that you’re doing.”

“Well, thank you so much.  We really appreciate your support.”  He signed the book with a blue sharpie pen and handed it back to her.

“Thanks.”  She took the book and moved away.

The Secret Service man gestured to me.  “Okay.”

I opened my book and walked up to the Vice President.  There were circles under his eyes and he looked tired.  But he smiled.  “Hello.”

I handed him my book.  “Hey, Mr. Vice President.  It’s great to see you again.”

The Vice President squinted at me as he took my book.   “Have we met?”

“Well, I saw your movie.  I thought it was great.  Really exciting.”

“Thank you so much.”  He started to sign his name.

“You know, Mr. Vice President, you should make a sequel.”

He finished signing his name.  “Thank you so much.”

I nodded.  “But this time, you need to have more people.  I mean the title is perfect, right?  ‘The Future.’  Everyone can relate to that, right?  But in the future, there will be more people, so you have to compensate for that, right?”

He handed me the book.  “That’s absolutely right.  That’s exactly why we have so many challenges.  Thank you for being here.”

I took the book.  “Do you have a script yet?  Would it be more of an action movie?…”


A Secret Service woman tapped me on the shoulder.  “Please keep the line moving.”

“Oh sure.”  I shouldered the book and smiled at the Vice President.  “Thanks so much.  Keep in touch.”

I took my book and walked away.